Why must you groom your private area in the center of the living room while the humans and I are relaxing on the sofa trying to enjoy our favorite television programs? Nobody wants to watch you repeatedly lick your snack dispenser (oops, I mean rear end). It's clean already. Give it up and come jump on the back of the sofa where you belong. The show's starting.
p.s. The tempting snack thing is precisely the reason why my humans won't let me kiss them. Please, oh please, let me break this nasty habit. "Hi, I'm Gus, and I'm a poop addict." "Hi, Gus." "I've been sober for one month..." Applause here.